Mommy Guilt

I intended for this blog to help me remember all the little things about being a first time mommy. The way she looked at me when the nurse placed her on my belly, the way Luke cried when he first saw her, the way he rubbed my back through each contraction, the deep soul wrenching connection that we had while I labored to birth our child. These are all memories that  I wanted... that I needed... to have written down. I thought that if I started a blog and gain followers I would find something to force me to keep up with all of this. But alas, I have only found an additional source of "mommy guilt". I sat down this morning while Amelia naps in her swing with a growing pile of tissues accumulating next to me from this icky sickness she was kind enough to share with me. And I  thought, I should write in my blog. And then it set in, the guilt. I can't write, it's been too long. How will I ever catch up? It's not even worth it. So instead I read a few posts from one of my very favorite bloggers, Kelle Hampton, over at enjoyingthesmallthings[dot]com. She truly is fabulous, but she has her own down falls too. Which is part of the reason I love reading her writing so much. She doesn't pretend to be a fantastic housekeeper and I'm pretty sure she doesn't make a homemade dinner every night but girlfriend is all about making memories and recording them with her kids. There's some kind of irony in all this. I want so badly to be able to record all of the memories. There are so many ways that I imagine doing that. Family 'yearbooks', yearly photo books for Amelia, this blog... and yet I find myself putting it all off just to hold her while she naps, or to do 'airplane' for the 36th time because just maybe that is the time her gasps of joy will turn into an actual giggle.
I'm so hard on myself and frankly, I'm over it. I feel so guilty about working full time and even more guilty that I enjoy it so much. I feel guilty that she is in day care, I feel guilty that I don't cook dinner every night, I feel guilty that our house is coming close to being eligible to be on an episode of Hoarders. But every now and then I have a moment (and maybe this is the sickness talking) where I realize that maybe frozen pizza for the 2nd night in a row is okay, because I got to hold that sweet little girl a moment longer. And you know, I really don't think Luke minds that our garlic bread is from a bag and not home made... I have all these Martha Stewart expectations of myself and I'm beginning to think the only person disappointed in me, is me. So I'm going to stop being so hard on myself and realize that this blog, it's really for me. It's for me to wade through this mess of life and find the poetry in it. It may be months between posts, I may never write again. But whatever ends up coming of this will be more than if I had written nothing at all, and one day when Amelia has children of her own and she struggles with decisions like staying at home or going to work, how to start solids, how long to breastfeed, are vaccines really safe?, or whatever new issues mommy's have to deal with then, she'll realize that all you can do is your best and love those kiddos with everything in you. Because really, I don't think she cares that her cloth diaper is made of non organic cotton or that mom's milk might have a trace of diet coke in it. But I do know that when I hold her she rubs her sweet little hand on my arm as if to say Thank you mommy, I love you too. And that is what makes everything worth it.

She's here

Amelia is here and we are in love.

5 weeks and 4 days ago this photograph captured the most miraculous moment of my life. Who knew that something so perfect could come out of my body?? There were lots of tears and maybe a little screaming (perfection hurts coming out, okay?)... but miraculous is definitely an accurate description.

A couple days after our little peanut was born Luke and I recorded a video of how we remember labor and delivery. (It's over 30 minutes long and since I was nursing during said video it would have to be rated at least PG-13 so don't get excited about seeing that anytime soon)... I'm planning on giving the slimmed down version to you guys and I've also been making some lists for my mommy to-be's out there.

Here are the quick deets on little miss Amelia Eloise:
She was born at 7:51 pm on Wednesday, July 18th 2012. She was 6 pounds 15 ounces and 20 inches long. Her head and chest circumferences were the same, 13 1/2 inches...

Labor/Delivery:
Actual, for real, no jokes labor started on Tuesday morning around 10am. My doula came to the house and since I had been in early labor for oh about 3 days (Seriously. Good thing those early labor contractions are pie because otherwise this would have been miserable.) so she came over to advise us on how to get this party going a little faster. I walked, bounced on the birthing ball, ate chik-fil-a (because the day before was cow appreciation day and you know those 18 chicken sandwiches weren't going to eat themselves...)

We were starting to get anxious about her being late and since we were moving on August 1st I seriously wanted this child out of my stomach and into my arms growing and being able to travel... (turns out there are no rules about when a baby can travel. Actually, it turns out there aren't a lot of rules about anything baby-related, just a whole bunch of advice from people who've been-there-done-that and that advice ranges from practical to a little cray cray so using that maternal instinct that busts out about the time your child does is essential)... The moving bit is a story in itself. Basically it involves unsafe working conditions for the hubs, a lot of douche baggery on his ex-employer, a whole lot of prayer, and God providing above and beyond our needs as usual... (long story short we are now back in our favorite town, with an amazing town house in our price range, both with jobs we love, and only about 329,302,375.6 boxes left to unpack)

...ummm so back to labor... my contractions were getting to be about 4 minutes apart and lasting a minute long around 4 p.m. (Tuesday night) so we headed to the hospital. When we arrived there had been a major accident or something and the ER (where we had to check in for labor and delivery) was insanity (on the way up to the maternity ward we could hear someone screaming because they had just found out about a death... I found myself being thankful for painful contractions and praying fervently for those people. It really puts things in perspective).

So, we get up to the room, I get hooked up to the monitors and BOOM! no more contractions... Okay, maybe I still had them but they were way far apart now. Geez. So the plan now becomes to wait out the night and be induced via my water getting broken in the morning. THANK GOODNESS! The planner in me was thrilled, I could now get my planner out and write in pen 'Amelia's birthday!' The real person in me was like "Holy crap I'm really going to have this baby by tomorrow!" Haha. So we went to sleep(ish) and awaited the arrival of our favorite Doctor in the morning.

Around 8:30am the nurse (Guess who it was?! MARY POPPINS!!!) came in and put me on the monitors again and prepped me for the Doctor. Also, the doctor was the same one we had been seeing each time we had a false alarm. So, we've got our favorite doctor and nurse. This was a great start! The doctor broke my water at around 8:45am. For those who are wondering, this does not hurt at all. I actually had to ask her if she had done it... then I felt a humongous gush of water and I got the hint, haha. I was told that if my contractions would get to be about 2 minutes apart in the next 3-4 hours then I would not have to be on pitocin (yay!) but alas they did not get there (boo!). I walked the halls/bounced on the ball/etc and they got to be 4 minutes apart again but since that was not the 2 requested at noon I was put in bed and Mary Poppins started the pitocin. I had to be monitored continuously on the pitocin so at this point I'm hooked up to the IV on one side of the bed and the monitors on the other and I'm in the middle bouncing on my ball, haha it was quite the sight to see I'm sure.

My contractions started getting closer together and more intense. Up to this point I could talk right through a contraction with just a little more wiggling in my hips to get through. At around 3pm I had to start focusing and breathing through them. Still, I wouldn't consider this "pain" just pressure that was eased if I had someone pushing on my back and if I could sway my hips on the labor ball (which is just one of those big exercise balls, if you're wondering.) At 4:30ish someone interrupted my awesome Eric Whitacre pandora station(by far the best labor music ever!) with a phone call. I was in the middle of a contraction so it was all hands on deck/my back and no one could answer the phone. After that contraction was over Luke went to see who it was and it was the job I had applied for the week before calling to set up an interview!!! They said in the message (which Luke had to play twice since I was in the contraction/out of mind for half of the first time) that I needed to call back by the end of the day (it was already 4:30ish!) or by tomorrow at the latest. Well, since I figured I would have my new baby by the next day and I wasn't sure I would be in my right mind to call back then I decided it would be best for me to call then between contractions. Hahaha, looking back I probably should have waited but since I've never been one for patience I called back which turned out to be good for me because after two interviews I got the job earlier this week and I start next Tuesday!

I digress though, so after the phone call the contractions were getting very intense. I'm still able to focus but I definitely had to focus through them and have someone pressing on my back. At around 6:00 Mary Poppins told me I had to get in the bed to be monitored for awhile because Amelia kept moving and they were losing her heartbeat on the monitors. This is where things got crazy and a little hazy for me. At this point she also had to restart my IV because the vein in my left wrist had blown. (FYI I hate, hate, hate needles/IV's. Seriously.) So she's trying to wait between contactions, and now since I'm in the bed my contractions are ten times worse and I can't relax between them which causes each contraction to build on itself... basically bed=pain. After the first couple contractions in the bed I start crying and telling Luke it hurts too bad and I can't do it. Then MP puts the IV in, I jerked and the vein blew (uggghhhh) so she has to go to the other arm all the while I'm crying my eyes out because I seriously hate needles! Poor lady though, she felt so bad for me that she kept trying to get me to take medicine (did I mention I was going all natural?) I stuck to my guns though and said no thank you but once she left I decided I really did want something haha. During the childbirth classes we had talked about getting hyped up motrin call Nubaine in the case of pitocin since it causes your contractions to be harder and closer together then they would be naturally. So I asked my doula if I got that if it would hurt the baby? She assured me it wouldn't and she went and asked MP to get me some of that. It was probably 6:30 before I got the nubaine and once I got that I was able to rest between contractions and I would say that the next 30ish minutes I was almost in a trance. Not from the medicine necessarily but my body was just so tired that every time I could rest I would practically fall asleep from exhaustion.
At around 7:00 the contractions got way worse and I couldn't figure out how in the world I was going to live through this. Turns out this was my body's way of saying "Hey dummy! It's time to push this baby out!"(also known as "transition"...). The doula kept asking me if I felt like I needed to push and since I had no idea what in the world that felt like I decided to try pushing a little and see if that helped the pain. Oh man, that was like sweet relief. I started bearing down during each contraction and it helped tremendously but then the nurse came in and checked me and told me I had to stop pushing! Apparently I was only at 9cm and I could cause swelling which would make pushing a lot harder. Unfortunately, now that I had started bearing down my body had taken over and I couldn't figure out how to stop pushing! I tried, but I'm pretty sure there was still some push-age happening. Also, at this point I had become pretty vocal. Did you know that I can make noises like a cave man getting ready to rip into a wooly mammoth? Yeah, me neither.

Finally, around 7:15 the nurses came in to get the room set up/shorten the table (with all my research I missed that they do that)/get the doc's tools ready/etc. And at this point I was told to start pushing. I honestly have no idea how long I pushed before they told me they could see her head. But I remember being amazed that I was already that close. I never thought I would want that mirror to see my delivery but I changed my mind the second I realized I could catch a glimpse at this tiny human that I had been growing for close to 10 months. They wheeled that mirror over and suddenly I had a renewed sense of purpose and I was able to push harder and longer. During each push I could feel her getting closer and closer to coming out and there was a huge sense of power with that. Then suddenly her little head just popped out! It was the biggest relief I have ever felt in my entire life! The rest of her little body just slid right out and they put her immediately on my stomach. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I didn't recognize this little baby on my belly but I had this intense surge of love and a need to protect her immediately. The nurses were wiping her off and she was crying and I remember I was saying something but I couldn't tell you what, haha and then suddenly she opened her little eyes and we made eye contact and it was like my soul recognized her soul. I know that sounds cheesy but it was like even though I didn't "recognize" her facial features somehow I knew that this was my baby girl. Words just can't do that moment justice.

Eventually Luke cut the cord and she was taken to be weighed and cleaned up across the room. Luke went with her and I was left to deliver the placenta (which fyi all you mom-to-be's is no big deal at all.) and then just as quickly as they took her away they brought her back all clean and wrapped up.
We tried to nurse immediately and she wasn't really into it, but surprisingly enough I really didn't care. Haha, I did all this research about how you have to nurse immediately after delivery to ensure a good breastfeeding relationship but seriously she maybe latched for 2 seconds and after trying for about 5-10 minutes of trying I just wanted to look at her. Pretty soon after that the nurses had to take her to the nursery for her tests (I guess our hour was up) and Luke walked her over. Leaving me to get cleaned up and prepared to go to our post partum room.

And that is our wonderful, sometimes scary, labor and delivery story.

Since this post is already a book, I'll be writing the post-partum recovery and my recommendations for other mom-to-be's in other posts.

Thank you for reading our birth/love story!

37ish weeks

This week Amelia is the size of Winter Melon... Seriously, who comes up with this stuff? 

     Since my last post there have been lots of changes in our neck of the woods! On Wednesday of this past week we had our first false alarm. It started out with me 'loosing my mucous plug' on Wednesday evening (fact 1: labor can still be weeks away after loosing your mucous plug - fact 2: I was not aware of fact 1). This happened around 6pm Wednesday night and our weekly childbirth class with our doula was at 6:30pm so we decided to not get too excited and wait on contractions to start. At that point I was thinking we were hours away from labor so I just wanted to carry on like normal and figured when I started having real contractions that were 5ish minutes apart then we would get excited. Well that night passed and nothing happened... we went to bed late-ish feeling like a 4 year old on Christmas Eve. Around 4:30am Thursday morning I woke up with some pretty bad back pain. My thrashing around woke Luke up so he rubbed my back for awhile before I finally decided to try a hot shower. As soon as I was up and walking around my back pain subsided substantially and I noticed I was having contractions consistently at 5 minutes apart. Of course we got way too excited and Luke started in on his pre-hospital last minute checklist while I got a shower and got ready to go (another fun fact: shaving my legs should earn me an olympic medal at this point). 

     We took our time and continued timing contractions (still 5 minutes apart, lasting between 45 seconds - 1 minute). Finally, at 6:30am we loaded our bags in the car and started out on our trek to the hospital. On the way I called my OB/GYN emergency number and instead of adding to our excitement the doctor (one I have never met btw) said I didn't "sound like" I was in labor. (Okay, so later on I found out she was right but I'm still bitter at her for killing the buzz). She said to go ahead to the hospital anyways and worst case scenario they would just send me home. Once we got to the hospital my contractions started getting further apart (figures, right?) and sure enough I was not in real labor. 

     However, while we were there our favorite Mary Poppins nurse was there (we later found out her name is Arline, I still plan on refering to her as Mary Poppins). She was checking the baby's position and discovered that little miss mischievous was actually in the breach position instead of head down like we had been told. 

(Insert moment of panic when I was told I would probably need a c-section since I was so late in my pregnancy and turning her would be extremely difficult and not likely to be successful)

After an ultrasound to confirm her suspicions (whoa big baby!) she brought the doctor in. The doctor told us we had 3 options - 1. Go ahead and schedule a c-section (panic moment #2) 2. Wait it out and see if she turned on her own (followed by the thoughts that this was unlikely and would probably also result in a c-section), or 3. Let the doctor and Mary Poppins try turning her externally (followed by the information that this would be painful and also has a semi low success rate).

     We decided that we would let them go ahead and try now, and then try every other homeopathic method we could get our hands on if it didn't work (Little did we know that while we were having our minor freak out moments at the hospital my dear dear daddy was researching every possible way of turning a breach baby ever discovered and a lot of them had super high success rates... with no pain.... oh well). So MP gave me a shot to relax my uterus and then they started the process. I was told to relax as much as possible... it was fine at first, I was practicing my deep breathing and it was just uncomfortable but then she got turned sideways and they were digging in deeper to keep her from slipping and I seriously thought I was going to through up on them (Poor Luke might have received some battle wounds from my nails... which are now cut down to nubs...). I couldn't handle it anymore and I finally told them I was going to heave. They stopped but seemed like they thought she had slipped back. Doc pulls out the ultrasound and sure enough they had turned her! They were both shocked and excited and Luke and I were ecstatic! They said it was good we discovered this now because there wasn't much amniotic fluid left in there and turning her any later would've been nearly impossible. 

     So. Long (long, long, long) story short, God must've known we needed to get our little trouble maker in to the hospital so she could get her little booty turned around. Sometimes it's hard to see His plan and sometimes He makes it super obvious. Thanks God!

And now for the weekly questionnaire...

How far along? 37 weeks 5 days

Total weight gain? 38ish pounds

Maternity clothes? still a combo of oversized clothes and maternity clothes

Stretch Marks? Yes, but actually getting less obvious! Yay for Bio Oil!

Sleep? Difficult but not impossible. My hips have been really achy lately and turning from side to side pretty much takes a fork lift.

Best moment this week? The fleeting moment when I thought we would be meeting Amelia that day... followed closely by the most depressing moment when I realized I didn't know my body as well as I thought I did.

Miss anything? My sanity... haha. Okay, I'm missing seeing my ankles, being able to paint my own toenails, and being outside without feeling like death.

Food cravings? McDonald's diet coke.

Anything make you queasy or sick? pasta.ick.

Gender: Girl!

Labor signs? I thought so, but I was mistaken! Although, the mucous plug thing is definitely still a labor sign in the same way that having a baby in my belly means I'll be in labor... eventually.

Symptoms? swollen hands/feet (yay for flip flops), achy hips/pelvis/back, round ligament pain (basically muscle pains around my belly anytime I move positions) and you know the normal hormonal/feel like I'm losing my mind stuff.

Belly button in or out? pretty flat with one slightly protruding side, haha

Wedding rings on or off? off :( My hands would swell up and then go down and I was afraid of losing them so I went ahead and just put them in my jewelry box

Happy or moody most of the time? All of the above... I'm extremely anxious/excited/nervous to have her out in the real world but the combination of other things going on in our lives adds to the anxiousness which adds to the hormonal-ness... All things considered, I would say happy mostly with moments of breakdowns

Looking forward to? Having our little girl here!

And now for some pictures from our week!

Labor Cake! Supposedly this makes you go into labor... So far no go :(

Grilling out with my favorite guys!

Luke grilling the corn for our cook out at my Aunt Becky's!

Annie chilling out by the pool!

False alarm documentation. Watching 'A Baby Story' in labor and delivery.

And the bump! This was right at 37 weeks and I was measuring at 38 weeks!

36 weeks

This week Little Miss is the size of a honey dew! Grow baby grow!

Despite the fact that I have just under a month left of this pregnancy (thank. you. Jesus.) I have decided this question/answer format I've seen on several other preggo blogs might be fun to finish out the time. So, here ya go!
How far along? 36 weeks


Total weight gain: hmmm... can I rethink this question/answer thing now? No? Ok... [cough]35 pounds[cough]

Maternity clothes? About half and half. I really, really, really hate maternity pants so I've been living in larger sized yoga pants/delia's jeans (they're delightfully stretchy at the hips)/etc. and I may or may not have these awesome black pajama pants from Target that I might wear in public, occasionally... haha 

Stretch marks? Ugh, not until recently. But now they suck, since Amelia dropped late last week I feel like my stomach is about to rip apart. Also, I don't know what I was thinking when I got my belly button pierced. If you're considering it, just don't. 

Sleep: Between my ginormo belly that actually requires me to sit up between switching positions, my little gymnast practicing her kick boxing skills, having to pee every 2.2 seconds, and the newly acquired itchiness all over my belly... sleeping has been quite the luxury. I normally get in around 2 hours at a time until around 8 am and then for some reason I can sleep like a rock. So I end up with 6 or 7ish hours of sleep, not too shabby :)

Best moment this week: swimming nearly everyday since sunday has definitely been the highlight so far. We went to the beach on Sunday and then yesterday and today have been filled with lots of pool time when Luke gets off work. My heavy belly is so happy! 

Miss Anything? I miss my energy... and my body... and my really cute clothes... sigh.

Movement: Oh absolutely! That makes it all worth while, being able to feel this little one moving and grooving in my belly definitely makes me forget all my woes. It's even more special now because I can pretty much tell which body part is jabbing me. Her movements are also more like swipes across my belly now which makes for some pretty entertaining kick counting in the evenings.

Food cravings: chinese food, love them crab rangoons! I also craved pizza this week... and let me tell you, that first bite was the best bite of pizza I have ever had in my entire life. Yummmm.

chinese food at the pool. the best of both worlds!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Anxiety. When I get anxious or worked up about anything I feel super nauseas. 

Gender: Girl!

Labor Signs: A few contractions here and there (normally paired with the queasy anxiousness) but nothing constant.

Symptoms: aches and pains in my hips/lower back/pelvis, heartburn like crazy(even water gives me heartburn, ugh), itchy belly, and I'm super tired about 75% of the day.

Belly Button in or out? Almost flat but still a little bit of an innie.

Wedding rings on or off? on :)

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy and excited most of the time, but waaaay emotional when I get tired... Today I dropped my plate of left over pizza and literally burst into tears. It was quite dramatic... and extremely embarrassing.

Looking forward to: Date night/Childbirth class with Luke tomorrow and my Dad and little siblings coming into town on Thursday! Also, the big 36 week appointment where I am supposedly being taken off of 'bed rest' is on Friday so there's excitement all around!


And lastly, since I can no longer reach my toes, my very sweet husband painted them for me tonight. All together now, awwwwwww ;)

33.5 weeks

This week baby is apparently the size of a durian fruit... Seriously, who the heck thinks up this stuff?

A)What in the world is a durian fruit? ...and B)Is every single durian fruit in the world between 17.2 and 18.7 inches?

I think not. But whatevs, the fruit thing was super fun at the beginning and now it's just like yeah, pounds of fruit could fit in my expanding mid section. No biggie. Haha, my favorites are weeks 38 and 39 when supposedly she turns into the size of a pumpkin and then a watermelon! Have you seen the pumpkins they have at state fairs? Yeah. Fun mental image, huh?

The ever expanding tummy... 

In other news, my family came this week. Yay! They were so great to help out with the house stuff and my Dad got the crib and bassinet up which is a huge relief. 

Amelia's crib which was also my crib when I was a baby :)
And yes those are our hospital bags all ready to go! Including our gorgeous new skip hop studio diaper bag!

My mom helped me wash and fold Amelia's clothes, another gigantic relief. Unfortunately they had to go back home on Saturday (insert extreme lip pouting) and I'm left with an even quieter house than before. They are seriously so good to us, not only did they clean up the house but my Dad also stocked my kitchen including not 1, not 2, but 4(!) boxes of nutrigrain bars! Yummm! I just found those tonight when I was looking for a snack and I got so excited Luke thought I was crazy, haha. 

Now we are prepping for one of Luke's college roommates and his wife to visit this week (and by we are prepping, I really mean I am making lists and folding clothes in bed, haha). Then on Saturday Luke's mom and her entire side of the family will be coming down for a week. (They won't be staying with us though) Followed by my aunt and my family again at the end of the month! Lots of vacationers, one of the many joys of living at the beach. But seriously, I love having people down I just wish I wasn't on bed rest. The whole knowing there are a ton of people visiting and I can't do anything to prepare (aka clean my house) and then I also can't go out with them really stinks. But Little Miss will be here before we know it and I'll finally be able to get out of the bed! (Although I may not want to then, haha) The doctor said I can come off bed rest at 37 weeks, so I've only got about 3 more weeks to go. I can totally do that.

In other doctor related news, I was back in the hospital on Friday night. This time with contractions in my back that would not go away. Another shot later and I was feeling just fine. Those shots are serious miracle workers. And I feel like I don't even need to take a tour of the OB ward now because I'm pretty sure I've seen most of the rooms in there... Ok, so I've only seen two but it sure feels like I know the place! Also, when I went in this time the nurses remembered me... kudos to them, slightly embarrassing for me for being 'that mom' but oh well.  

In case anyone is wondering, the craving of the week is diet coke from McDonald's (it is seriously the best, and yes I know how bad diet coke is for me... blah blah blah... I promise I don't indulge this one often) and blueberry nutrigrain bars! Go Daddy for stocking me up on that one! 

The necessities of bed rest...

My bed rest buddy

I am also extremely obsessed with instagram and the vast amounts of preggo / new mommies on there. There are some seriously cute babies on there. I'm also loving the pictures of random cravings from fellow preggos, it won't be long and I'll be on the baby side so I'm trying to enjoy every last minute of pregg-i-ness! (I totally just made that word up.... it reminds me of pigginess but since that is slightly appropriate I'm just going to go with it)

My next doctor appointment is Wednesday... or Thursday... one of those days. Hopefully little miss will be right on track and happy to stay inside until she is nice and plump! And hopefully this will be the last time I'm telling you about hospital visits for awhile! Thanks for visiting!

32 weeks

Sweet baby is now the size of a squash. Although, I have an app on my phone that says she's the size of a jicama?! What the heck is a jicama? (Apparently it's a mexican yam...Who knew?)

Jicama... the mysterious mexican yam

In other news, this week my uterus decided to absolutely freak out and start having contractions every 5-6 minutes (or so I thought, turns out it was every 2-3). There I was minding my own business at work, I was at the cash register making sure all those bikers got their own dose of Disney magic to take home with them and WHAM! my belly was tight as a ball and it was all I could do to get "Have a magical day!" out of my clenched teeth mouth. Yeah, probably not very magical. So, I'm pushing through thinking it will pass (this is not the first time I've had multiple contractions while trying to spread Disney cheer) and then I squatted down to get something for a customer and I literally thought I was going to die. I asked the manager if I could sit down for a sec (which seemed like a crazy request to me because the line was literally half way out the door. Darn those magic crazed bikers!) but lucky for me I work with some pretty awesome people who are totally understanding of a pregnant ladies crazy body changes. After sitting in the back and my belly still tightening up 4-5 more times in 15 minutes (can I tell you how sore contractions make your belly? And I thought pilates was bad, ouch!) I decided to call my doctor. She was pretty calm on the phone but she wanted me to go to the hospital (What?!). Luckily, my very sweet husband had stopped by to see me after work (and waited almost 45 minutes for me to go on break since the line was ca-razy!) and he was able to drive me over. He kept his cool (I was shocked), but he was actually a little mad at me for what he called "running around like a lunatic" at work. Hey, somebody has to spread that Disney magic... yeah, he said somebody non-pregnant could spread it and I should calm my butt down, blah blah blah. (Hehe, secretly I love that he loves me enough to get mad when I overdo it...)

So, at the hospital we walk in and it's like biker central and they are all staring at my ginormbo belly. (Come on folks, I've got 2 more months to go, am I really that big?) And then the police officer on duty (no joke, there's an officer in the er... sketch) says, "Looks like somebody's having a baby today!" which totally freaked me out because she has 2 MONTHS left to go! So I said, "Umm, hopefully not she's still a little undercooked in there." He smiled but I'm pretty sure he thought I was a lunatic, haha. After that exciting convo they wheel me up to labor and delivery (because I totally required a wheel chair... not. Apparently it's hospital policy. Whatevs, if they want to push me around then more power to them.) There was this amazing Mary Poppins-esque lady that was my nurse, complete with english accent and saying things like "mum" and "loo". It was fabulous. Apparently she has been delivering babies since before I "was a twinkle in me mum's eye." haha. Like I said, fabulous. So Ms. Poppins hooked me up to a million monitors (okay, only two) and we got to hear sweet little Amelia's heartbeat plunking along. She was doing great (big relief!) but turns out I wasn't losing my mind I was for real having contractions every 2-3 minutes. Eeek! They thought that they might calm down after I rested and drank my weight in water but it ended up that I had to get a shot to chill them out. (And that shot hurt like the dickens! Luke said my face was hilarious... it didn't feel too hilarious.) Thankfully the shot worked and we were able to leave about half way through the next Star Wars movie. The doctor put me on bed rest for the rest of the weekend and wanted me to come in on Monday. Sidenote: bed rest sucks. I mean it is really, really, really hard to lay in bed and look at how much needs to be done in the nursery and not get up and do it... (ok, so maybe I did try to do some but the contractions put me back in bed. Lame.)

So, to keep from having to split this post into chapters I will tell you that the doctor's didn't find out anything on Monday and that I'm still on bed rest until Thursday when I go back for a follow up. (But I am going to Life Group tonight, because seriously I'm just riding in a car and then sitting on a couch. And I neeeeeeeed human interaction.) 

No exciting pics for this week because really how exciting is laying in bed?

Oh, and the mister and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary yesterday! Since excursions are limited we made our way down the street to get me an ice cream sundae (he's still on the no food diet). It was the best ice cream sundae I've ever had :)

Since I have a little more time on my hands perhaps I'll actually be blogging more regularly (although I wouldn't hold my breath, because seriously how many times have I said that?) Thanks for reading though, it does make me a little giddy inside that someone out there actually thinks I have important/ridiculous things to say :)

Have a great day!!!

Week 28.5

Whoa nelly what a week and a half!!! I found out the results of my glucose test and I'm definitely not diabetic. In fact, the doctor told me that after drinking the glucose my blood sugar tanked and she's surprised I didn't pass out. So, hypoglycemia is my diagnosis and the cure involves keeping peanut butter crackers in my purse and rest. I'm actually very thankful to have found this out because I would get these crazy bouts of dizziness and my heart would race but honestly I thought I was just having minor panic attacks. Boy, was I wrong! Turns out my blood sugar tanks and my body freaks. That whole eating often thing is no joke. I've never been one to eat all three meals but now I'm eating like 8 smaller meals a day. Like I said, those peanut butter crackers are life savers.

In other news, I started my new job last Sunday! I'm working part time at the Disney Store and so far it has been quite the adventure! I used to be able to spend 8+ hours on my feet no problem but after a 4 hours shift I am exhausted! I came home today, changed clothes, and laid down for what I thought would be a short nap... I woke up 3 hours later (3 hours!!!) feeling sick at my stomach because (big surprise) I was staaaaarving! I downed a few wheat thins and then Luke called and he talked me into ordering some pizza! Walking down the stairs and cooking just seemed like too daunting of a task, haha. Poor boy though, he's still on this diet so he can't eat any food but he still ordered my pizza, paid for it and brought it to me in bed. How did I get so lucky?

I've also been blessed to find some extra work I can do at home through a friend from church. Basically I help her get in touch with lawyers about recent cases they have won so the information can be published. It has been such a great job for me so far and I can't wait to get more involved! This was definitely an answer to prayer since I can continue doing this even after Amelia is born!

Sweet baby girl is still growing like a weed! Here's a comparison from week 23ish to 25ish to 27ish... Yeah, I should probably keep better track of that, haha. Sometimes I find that I'm less anxious about her upcoming arrival if I don't remind myself everyday how far away it is. This Wednesday will be 29 weeks. Whoa. It seems like July 20th is so far away yet every week seems to be going by faster and faster. Keeping busy has certainly helped with that!

Little one's nursery is coming together quickly! I'll be posting some pictures soon, I know you all can't wait to see the massive amounts of cuteness that is quickly overtaking our house ;) Oh! And we finally got the rest of our cloth diaper stash in! So now we should be all set diaper wise for her arrival, pictures soon!

27 weeks!

Third trimester baby!!! Whoo-hoo! I've got 13 weeks left and Amelia is right on track! According to thebump.com miss thing now weighs between 1.5 - 2.5 lb (is it just me, or is that a huge range?) and is somewhere between 13.6 - 14.8 inches long. And apparently she is the size of a cauliflower. Grow baby grow!

This past week held some super fun activities like an impromptu maternity photo shoot and our 3D ultrasound and some not so fun things like an emotional breakdown at the OB's after my glucose test.

- glucose test - 

First of all, it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. All I had to do was drink a syrupy sweet fruit punch drink and then get some blood drawn an hour later. Not bad at all.
However, I still don't know what my results are because apparently despite the fact that I asked no less than four times what I needed to do to sign in/let them know I was there (remember this is only my second visit to this doctor's office) I was told incorrectly. I would ask, So, I still need to see the doctor. Should I just wait in the waiting room? and the response all four times was a non chalant, Yep, just wait to be called. So I waited and waited and when it got to the point that I had been waiting for 45 minutes I asked again, (the 5th time) and this time I was scolded for 'not signing in'. I'm already emotional at this point because it was 11:45 and I had been there since 10:00 and I had to be out of the office at 12:30 to make our 3D ultrasound at 1:00. So, yeah when the lady gave me the stink eye and then continued to talk about me to the other ladies there like I wasn't standing right in front of her, I teared up. It was incredibly embarrassing, like being in middle school again where the cool girls inform you that perms are definitely out. Only this time my stomach is bulging with baby and hormones are raging... Yeah, not exactly my day. Call me hormonal, but I'm thinking of switching OB's.

20 minutes into the 30 minute ride to the ultrasound place I finally quit blubbering when my incredibly sweet husband stopped to console me with Bojangle's and Mountain Dew. Yum :)

- 3D Ultrasound -

The ultrasound was a complete turn of events. Thank the Lord. We got to see our sweet baby's face and it was magical and mind blowing and every kind of 'wow' expression you can think of. She was wiping her little eyes with her tiny hand and we could see her kicking and moving and twisting all over the place! (Thanks to that delicious glucose and my sinfully delicious mountain dew I sipped throughout). Of course I already think she's the most gorgeous little girl to ever be conceived... but I'm just a little biased. So, without further ado here is our sweet and precious little girl.

I text the picture to my Mom, who informed me she couldn't figure out what it was, so I drew a little diagram to help out. Miss Amelia is much less alien looking than even 7 weeks ago and we asked, she's stil a little girl. Another Whew, thank you Jesus because I did not even want to think about having to take back all those sassy little outfits!

- Maternity Shoot - 

And finally, some shots from our self directed photo shoot just down the road from the NC Aquarium. Enjoy!

 Have a great week!

Week 22! Holy cow!!!

Yesterday I was lying in bed and I could literally watch her kick her little foot (or elbow, who knows) into different spots on my belly. It was crazy! Then she stuck her back into the front of my belly and just wiggled and stretched there for awhile. Luke put his hand on her and he could feel her little wiggly body going everywhere. She amazes me already!

I also have an interview on Monday in Myrtle Beach! I'm not posting this one on the book of face because it seems like I get all excited when I do that only to be very let down afterwards. This is a retail-ish job, I think, not really sure but it's with a company that I think I would very much enjoy working for. We'll see how it goes. On the bright side, the manager that called me seemed extremely nice and really peppy so that always helps with any job. 

We've got today and tomorrow left in Asheville and then it's "Sianara sucka!" I am thrilled to be moving on and starting over. Like, beyond thrilled. Of course there are some emo parts, like leaving behind family but we're moving to the beach, the beach. It's not like we won't be visited.  In the meantime I am looking forward to seeing my long lost best sisteriend (best friend/sister), spending half a day at Ikea, and our very first baby shower! SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO! 

I will leave you with this quote on pregnancy from my new favorite blog in the entire world (I literally sat in my bed and laughed until I cried reading this thing!)

The Pregnant Chicken

(the following is from an article written for new Dads)

4. Don't ask "What's for Dinner" If everyone in the house is alive when you get home that's a successful day. My friend's husband asked her why dinner wasn't ready because "she'd been sitting at home all day doing nothing". If you ask "What's for dinner?" the answer will be "Your left testicle". Eat cereal, order take-out or drink pumped breastmilk. Your choice.

 Bahahaha, now glean what you will from this and go enjoy the day!

Train of thought... derailed.

Week 20. Whoa.

I've been thinking back on the amount of time I've been pregnant so far, and how it has absolutely flown by and I know that the next 20 weeks will probably go by even faster.

In the past 20 weeks I have discovered a little life growing inside me. I have seen pictures of her developing body, I have learned that it is a her, I have felt her kick and squirm on the inside, and I have watched my own body make room for her to grow. It's been nothing short of miraculous. I have also left the security of a steady job. Said goodbye to friends and teachers, people that I have looked up to and others that have looked up to me. I have found that as much as I want to love Asheville I just can't seem to find a place to fit in. I have learned that my husband is reliable, that he really is my best friend. I've learned that it's ok to enjoy reading blogs and not have to keep up with my own. I've learned that sometimes growing requires painful changes.

This week my Mom got a job. A fabulous knock-your-socks-off job. And she deserves it. My Dad also decided to retire from his, a job he has held for 26 years. Talk about some inspiration. They both took a step of faith and decided he would retire and she would put out her resume. They prayed about it and here they are in a very short time with her new knock-your-socks-off job. I'm impressed and so very proud.

I'm still searching for a job. After giving up on the Asheville jobs and moving on to Myrtle Beach, the prospects looked good. I've had two fabulous interviews, one is "still searching" and the other turned out to be a scam. A very pretty, well packaged scam, but a scam none the less. And when said "scam" didn't call me back for the second part of the package? Well, I should have counted my blessings and moved on but instead I sobbed over how I can't even get a scam to call me back. Dumb, I know. But when you've been looking for a job for awhile it starts to get personal. I feel like no one wants me. Throw in some pregnancy hormones and you've got a full fledged sobbing fest. Poor Luke.

So this is a new week. Week 21! Amelia's got some growing to do and so do I. Here's to new opportunities and big adventures coming up!

Week 14!

Well in the past 8 weeks we have gone through A LOT!!! We announced our pregnancy to the world... Yay Baby Braswell! With this adorable picture (ok so maybe adorable is stretching it, but I would bet anything this little one will be less alien and more adorable looking one day very soon)

We moved from little college town to huge hippie town... not sure about my feelings on that one yet but the house is gorgeous (albeit a little grimy still from no one living here in 6 years) and we are slowly... slooooowwwwwllllyyy getting moved in. Internet got installed yesterday so I am VERY excited to be back in the 21st century.

My bump is now big enough for maternity clothes! (This was on Christmas Eve eve at the mall... that was a super bad idea btw) I went for the internet at Barnes & Noble, spilled coffee all over my white shirt and had to go to Motherhood Maternity for a new shirt... and then the pants were half off... and well, nothing is quite worse than your jeans digging into your newly acquired baby bump... but on the other hand I now have about a dozen combined maternity items (thanks to my parents taking me on an awesome Target shopping trip) and I feel much much more comfortable.

We also kept my younger siblings right after the holidays so my parents could take my sister, Elizabeth, to school in Oklahoma (so sad!). We had a blast but boy oh boy am I glad that this kid will come out not knowing how to talk or walk or run around for little while haha. Here they are the Biltmore House, aren't they cute?

Oh! And I cut all my hair off! Here is a pic of me and cutesy missy Annie.

As for the pregnancy, I am officially out of the first trimester! Yay!!! And morning sickness has finally gone away almost completely! Unfortunately it has been replaced by headaches and heartburn but honestly I think that's a pretty fair trade for not being nauseas all the time. BTW taking 1/2 a unisom before bed every night really did help a TON with night/early morning morning sickness (which should really be called all day sickness, ugh). I am still on the job search but I have a couple pretty awesome openings that I've applied for this week and I should hear something back by the end of this week or early next week. 

All in all, life is pretty good and I've still got the best hubby around that goes to get me teddy graham's at 11:00 at night... I'd say I'm pretty blessed :)