I snuck away for a moment. Just a small moment while Luke watches a sleeping Amelia on the couch and folds some of our ever piling laundry. This week has been rough and it's only Wednesday. Sunday night I came down with a nasty stomach bug and by Monday morning Luke had it too. I don't even remember Monday and Tuesday other than that we had help from a support system I didn't know existed. Our little community of friends came together and one friend took Amelia for the day Monday while another friend brought us medicine and sustenance (aka pedialyte and apple sauce). My parents came up Monday night and kept Amelia over night so we could crash. And when I crashed, I crashed hard. I can't remember the last time I slept that hard. (Might have had something to do with the benedryl I took too...) It was good though. I woke up Tuesday feeling less like death and more just dehydrated. Eventually we both recovered though and today I returned to work. Can I just tell you how overwhelming it is to go back to work after not being in the office for a few days?
Very. Just, very.
I'm working on my anxiety though. I can't let it control me anymore. There would be times where I would like at those 96 emails, 26 missed calls and stack of papers and think "Oh. my. God. I am never going to get this done! They're going to realize I actually can't do this job and fire me." It's a mix of anxiety and paranoia. Eh, we've all got our own brand of crazy. I've been meditating on this verse from Phillipians...
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
...and boy oh boy is it a huge help. I actually stop and think about each word I'm saying and by the time I finish I almost always feel better. Then I say a prayer and talk to God about what is upsetting me. Normally even talking to God about what's bothering me stresses me out. So, I supplicate. I thank God for my blessings. One by one I thank God, for Amelia, for her health, for Luke, for his support, for our family, for our friends, for our jobs, for a roof over our heads, for pretty shoes and new hair cuts, for the gorgeous clouds, for the beautiful mountains, for the beach... the list goes on and on. Normally I don't get much further than thanking God for Luke and I get so caught up in the ways he supports us and how good he is to me and I feel calmed. I'd say that's some peace passing all understanding.
Speaking of supplication...
The bad about being sick? (besides the actual being sick part...)
My milk supply is low. Like I actually had to go buy formula tonight low. Yet somehow I just don't feel bad about it. Last time I looked into buying formula I had this intense mommy guilt, but this time I just don't. I'm okay with giving her formula once or twice a day occasionally when my supply lowers and honestly, if she had to go all formula during the day it wouldn't break my heart. I have worked so hard to breastfeed exclusively and while it's been fabulous for 8 months, I'm not a bad mom for cutting myself some slack. That's a pretty freeing thought.
I'll leave you with a picture of my lovely and I in our recent spring snow storm :)
Happy Wednesday friends!
